Lesbian Mom Wins Right to Parent Her Own Children

On September 29, Missoula District Court Judge, Ed McLean affirmed Michelle Kulstad’s right to continue to co-parent her own children as she has done since they were barely toddlers. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is.

According to Judge McLean, “To discriminate further against Ms. Kulstad because of her sexual [orientation] in this day and age is no different than telling a person to go to the back of the bus because of her skin color.”

Barbara Maniaci, the children’s other parent, had been playing a taped message every night to her children stating that Michelle “is not your mommy.” The court threatened that her parenting time would be reduced if she continues to “indoctrinate the children against Ms. Kulstadt”

Through all these months of legal wrangling and emotional turmoil, Michelle just wants to continue to be a mom to her kids. To fight this intervention in her family, Michelle needs money. A lot of it. Current legal fees are upwards of $170,000.

We are asking you to help. Click here to contribute to Michelle’s defense or send a check made out to MHRN legal defense fund/ PO Box 1509/ Helena, MT 59624.

Michelle and Barbara had been living as a couple for 11 years. In 2001 they adopted a son and in 2004, a daughter. Both women parented the children together, but because same sex partners cannot adopt children as a couple, Barbara was the legal adoptive parent.

After the two women separated, Barbara attempted to sever Michelle’s relationship with the children. Michelle was forced to go to court to maintain access to see her children and in March 2007, the judge agreed she had a parental interest. Barbara appealed the decision.

The case is likely to go the Montana Supreme Court and will be an important milestone in the movement towards full equality. A Supreme Court ruling that a same-sex co-parent has a constitutionally protected parental bond with her children is a decision that will affect lesbian and gay families into the future. The ACLU recognized the legal impact of this case for Montana and stepped in to partner with Michelle’s attorney.

Barbara has enlisted the help of the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF). The ADF was founded by prominent leaders of the Religious Right to push their right-wing fundamentalist ideology in the courts.  The group dedicates itself to many of the Religious Right’s favorite issues—opposing equal rights for gay people, forcing theology into public schools, and limiting reproductive freedom. 

The ACLU has battled successfully against the ADF in court on numerous occasions. However, winning court cases isn’t ADF’s primary objective.  Rather, they use the court as another front in the Religious Right’s culture war on America.

Judge McLean rejected the testimony of ADF’s “expert” witness saying she was “not qualified to serve as an expert witness on the subject of the relevance of parental sexual orientation on children’s development because Dr. Hansen does not possess the requisite knowledge, skill, experience, training, or education to assist the Court.”

If Michelle and Barbara had been a straight couple, custody and division of property would have been simple and straight forward. Because gay and lesbian families do not have equal protection under the law, they can be legal strangers to the people they love the most, leaving them open to an out-of-state, anti-gay organization like the ADF to rip their families apart.

The court affirmed the American Psychological Association’s conclusion that “there is no evidence to suggest that same sex couples are unfit to be parents, or that psychosocial development among children of same sex couples is compromised in any respect relative to children raised by heterosexual couples.”

The decision states, “It is in the best interests of the children for Ms. Kulstad to have decision-making authority on par with Ms. Maniaci regarding significant matters affecting the children, including but not limited to education, activities, health care, and spiritual upbringing…. Ms. Kulstad is a loving and stable force in the children’s lives.”

After the decision, Michelle said, “Judge McLean said what I already know, that I always have been, and always will be a parent to our children.”

The Network believes all families should be treated equally under the law and is committed to strengthening the law in the legislative process. Whether it’s about employment rights or relationship rights, we know that Montanans support fairness. According to a recent poll of Montana voters by Lake Research Partners, more than 8 out of 10 Montanans (84%), believe that gay couples and their children deserve the same legal protections as other people. To see the full results of the poll, click here.

Imagine for a moment what it would be like to have a family member torn away from you.

Michelle represents all of us when she says: “I’m doing this because I love my children and my children love me. I’ve been a parent to them their whole existence—they need to have me in their lives.”

Please send a donation to support this law suit. Do this for Michelle, for her children, and for your own family.